Habits That Strain Relationships with Your Grown Children

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As children get older, our relationship with them changes, and the lines between offering guidance and respecting their independence become more complex. Despite having the best intentions, our actions can sometimes inadvertently damage the bond we share with them.

Certain habits that were useful during their youth can become harmful as they mature, potentially causing frustration, resentment, and even estrangement.

Recognising the habits that damage relationships with your grown children is the first step to managing the older parent-adult child bond and allowing both parties to thrive in their respective roles.

Habits That Damage Relationships with Grown Children

Comparing your adult children to others

Comparing adult children to siblings, peers, or societal benchmarks denies their individuality and pressures them to meet unrealistic expectations. Whether it’s questioning their career choices or contrasting their achievements with others, comparisons erode self-esteem and strain relationships.

Judging their choices

While parents may have good intentions, judgemental comments—whether related to career, lifestyle, or parenting— often come across as controlling or dismissive of their child’s independence and decision-making abilities.

Demanding constant attention

Adult children need space to establish boundaries and prioritise their own lives. Parents who demand constant attention risk making their children feel smothered or emotionally burdened.

Not respecting boundaries

Acknowledging your adult children’s boundaries includes respecting their privacy, their decisions about family gatherings, and their need for personal space. Ignoring these boundaries can make them feel like they’re losing control over their lives.

Comparing their parenting style

If your adult child has children of their own, comparing their parenting style to yours can be alienating. Criticising their methods or implying that they’re not doing things “right” can lead to defensiveness and hurt feelings.

Conclusion

As children mature into adults, the parent-child relationship naturally evolves. While it’s rewarding to watch them establish their own lives, many parents aim to preserve or enhance the unique connection they share.

By being aware of the behaviours that may inadvertently make your relationships with your grown children stressful, you can take proactive steps to create a stronger relationship and establish a loving connection.