Caring for a Loved One Without Losing Yourself

Photo source: openverse, Kordanalev

Caring for a spouse, sibling or friend is an act of love, and many older New Zealanders take it on without a second thought. But looking after someone else can slowly crowd out your own needs. Learning how to care for a loved one without losing yourself is not selfish. It is what keeps you able to carry on.

Make time for your own life

Small routines matter. A daily walk, a cuppa with a friend, bowls club, church group or an hour in the garden can all give you a genuine break. Try to keep at least one regular activity that is only for you, and put it on the calendar so it is easier to protect.

Ask for and accept help

Family, neighbours and friends often want to help but are unsure how. Be specific. Ask someone to do the grocery shopping, drive to appointments or sit with your loved one for an afternoon. Sharing the load is a strength, not a failure.

Explore support available in New Zealand

There are services designed for people in your situation. Carers NZ offers information and a support network for family carers. Age Concern provides advice and services for older people, and your local Health NZ service can explain how to arrange a needs assessment. Through that process you may learn about Carer Support, which can help with the cost of short breaks, as well as respite care options. Work and Income can also advise on any financial assistance. Eligibility varies, so it pays to check directly with each organisation.

Talk about how you feel

Caring can bring guilt, grief, frustration and love all in the same day. Speaking with a trusted friend, a counsellor or a carers’ support group can lighten the weight. You can also call or text 1737 at any time to talk with a trained counsellor, free of charge.

If possible, have honest conversations early about wishes, care preferences and legal matters such as enduring power of attorney. A clear plan reduces stress for everyone involved.